We are in the throes of teething once again, but this time Ella isn't just crying more, she is throwing tantrums. Every time we say no to her or take something away she freaks out. It is quite stressful for me, so I decided I needed some chocolate when we were at the store the other day. Normally I don't give Ella treats unless it is something special, but I thought she deserved something sweet since she is suffering right now too. Well, she loved it! Ahhh... like mother like daughter!! I wish I had a picture of her with her chocolate mustache, but I didn't think to run inside to get it. I guess I will just have to buy more chocolate and give her some, just for the photo opportunity of course. Not because I want it or anything! I am always self-controlled when it comes to sweets!!
But seriously, we are having a hard time dealing with her tantrums. She is having them often, even when she isn't teething. We feel like she needs to be disciplined somehow so that she knows it is not ok to react that way when we say no, but we aren't sure what to do. We have decided that we will be spanking her as part of discipline. I didn't want to spank our kids but Ella is particularly stubborn and willfully disobedient, and nothing else has worked so far. Plus, we talked to some adult couples at our church and they were talking about spanking as a teaching mechanism and doing it out of love. My experience with spanking was always that parents did it when they were mad and wanted to punish their child (I wasn't spanked, so my only experience is witnessing strangers spanking their kids or what we talked about in my child development classes). I had never seen or heard of it done in a way that positively changed their child's behavior. Our pastor's daughter actually thanked her parent's for spanking her because she felt like it made her a better person! She is in high school now and gets pretty disgusted with her classmates poor attitudes. She had some attitude issues when she was younger. Her parents spanked her when she acted up and slowly she changed for the better.
The problem with spanking her when she has a tantrum is that she freaks out even more. I don't know if that will slowly change as she learns that she will get a spank if she acts that way, or if she will continue to tantrum even harder when she gets spanked. I have also thought of simply ignoring her when she has a tantrum, because she is really just looking for attention, so if I ignore her maybe she will figure out that it is a poor way of getting attention. I know we need to be teaching her positive ways of expressing her frustration, but she can't talk yet, so how else could she express it? So many questions, so few answers. Does anyone have any advice?
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I have a few books that Ive really enjoyed although they are a bit controversial since pretty much spanking is a controversial issue- but I definitely recommend at least looking at the books. They are: To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl- this one is particularly controversial youll either love it or hate it. and the second one is- Shepherding a Child's Heart- by Tedd Tripp. Both of them use lots of scripture and have lots or neat things about child training/raising/discipline. I hope they give you some ideas.
ReplyDeleteMolly, I have also heard excellent things about "Sheparding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp as mentioned above.
ReplyDeleteJustin and I plan to read that together this fall as we expect to enter a more intense level of training with Nora.
I also cling to my Motherhood CD's from the conference I attended through church by Kathleen Nelson. Chrissy has them and you could maybe listen to them. I think I am going to order another copy since I am dying without their constant instruction. Though most of her advice is right from the book of Proverbs.
I only look at your blog occasionally. RE: Sept. 2 Temper tantrums. Ignore her or teach her sign language, because she can't talk yet and has no way of telling you what is wrong. You can guess, but you won't know until she can tell you. If it is really teething that is bothering her, do all the usual teething remedies - cold chewies, gum numbing ointment, etc. Save spanking for actions that are dangerous or could somehow have extreme consequences that Ella is not considering.
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